But who are we kidding? It kind of does. Especially when you’re on devil drugs and your body kind of hates you and everything hurts. Oh and people with brand new babies are pregnant again. And maybe they had trouble too?! But you can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy.
Back to the original topic. As powerful, painful, time-consuming, and life-consuming infertility is…it’s not your life. It’s not forever. You will find your family or you will find your new dream (like a farmhouse with a donkey, goats, chickens, and 10 acres…yeah, we’ve thought about it). Eventually the struggle of the inbetween will just be a gross memory.
I have to say, though, infertility is one of those things that you can’t truly understand until you’re in the thick of it. Trust me when I say that you can’t even understand it when you’re walking into it. Over four months in and the game changes constantly.
But what about all of the other great things you get to do? What about your wonderful husband, friends, dogs, mountains, beautiful summer days? I’m trying so hard these days to focus on the positives, and I recognize that I shouldn’t stay focused on the shit storm that is IVF, but it’s very hard to pull away.
I’ve been on Lupron (supression injection) since 7/2. I feel horrible. I’m having body aches, headaches, weird cramps, bad moods. This is WAY worse than last time. The body aches are the most surprising and most painful. My joints even ache. What is so different?! My body seems mad. I didn’t choose this, I can’t control it, can’t this just be over?
We got a call today that after some additional blood work this morning, it turns out that my lazy ovary from our last cycle decided to ovulate. Less than 10% of patients ovulate while on supression meds. How come you had to over acheive this time, righty? Totally unexpected and unwelcomed. The estrogen that I’m taking won’t do it’s job at this stage in my cycle. My uterus cannot be properly prepped for a transfer now. So the phone call came with the instructions to stop all meds, put them aside, and wait on my period. It should take 18-20 days to come on, and with cycle day one, I will once again start birth control. 7-10 days of those devil pills, and then back to the Lupron injections. I’m telling myself that this break will be beneficial. I will take a mini-vacay, try to relax, get in some work outs…and hopefully start back up in a great place mentally and physically.
Maybe this is the best route? But it’s switching our plan from a fresh transfer to a frozen transfer and we don’t love that. Our donor will continue her meds and her egg retreival should happen in about two weeks. We will get continuous updates on that, and then once I am back on my period, we will get a new calendar to determine our transfer date.
Delays suck. Unexpected results suck. Drugs suck. Being infertile sucks. I just want my baby and I just want to move on. But hopefully this is what’s supposed to be happening and the next few months will bring the great news we’ve been so impatiently waiting for…
Took this on our plane ride to Chicago last weekend. I think it’s a nice reminder that there are many other things to be thankful for and many other things happening, other than our time of suckiness.